There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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