I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
