No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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