i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
