All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
