xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
