I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
