I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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