Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
