i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
