my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
