Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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