I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
