One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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