k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
