Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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