I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
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How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
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I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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