if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
