he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
