Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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