It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
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I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I have aggressive nipples.
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I think I swiped left on my soulmate
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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