so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Randomize