I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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