i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
