It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
