I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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