I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
