sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
