We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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