Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
