i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
this just has baby written all over it
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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