Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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