How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
