True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize