I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
