yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
