All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
