He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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