How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
