She went from zero to smokin in five shots
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
