They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
