I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
