well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
