i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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