If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
