Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
