I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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