My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
