margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
