Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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