He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
