Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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