this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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