guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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