I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
