i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
they call him Oral-B. enough said
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
