I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
