you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
