new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
